the art of nothing
like I mentioned in the previous post, January has been slow going for me. For the last few weeks I have been increasingly frustrated. Upset that I haven't had the energy to put away my Christmas decorations, to finish up my December Daily project...I still have a pile of mail waiting to be sorted. I despise clutter so it's been hard to concentrate on getting well with the laundry piling up and this dang Christmas tree staring me in the face.
Sometimes we need reminders.
My mom...who has been sick as well, told me that God knows when we need to rest and if we don't take the hint it is forced upon us. I suppose that is one way of looking at it.
I do believe my body is forcing me to rest. Things have been crazy since early October with guests and travel and more guests and work. I know that I have had downtime, but I always use my downtime to do things other than just sitting there and relaxing. I have a hard time sitting still. Being sick gives you little choice so...after bitching and moaning and acting like a royal pain...i decided to buck up and get it together.
I laid down on the couch with my very favorite blanket and did nothing. I stared off into space. I daydreamed about my walls and what I want to put up once the tree comes down. I decided not to worry about the mail or the decorations or any of that stuff. It would all get done eventually. Although I know that there is a beauty in doing nothing I have always railed against that. It felt wasteful. I have to force myself to sit still. To breathe. To enjoy the fleeting days. To revel in my own silence and company. To allow the quiet of nothing to restore me so that when the busyness of life returns...i will be ready.